


Lifetime

by Kousukee



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Haikyuu - Freeform, M/M, almosts, how do tags work, im just gonna write oneshots bc i cant finish fics ooppss, inspired by a song, iwaoi - Freeform, no happy ending, slight ushioi, ushi and oikawa are just friends here wheeze
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:48:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24959407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kousukee/pseuds/Kousukee
Summary: Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?Inspired by Ben&Ben's Lifetime.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	Lifetime

**Author's Note:**

  * For [draconyx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/draconyx/gifts).



> Huge thank you to @draconyx for editing this for me uwu I love you

* * *

**_**Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?** _ **

* * *

The soft pitter patter of rain drummed on the rooftop. It was past two in the morning and yet he was still wide awake. But how could he sleep? The man’s snores echoed in the dark and damp room. Suddenly, there was a rustle of sheets as he turned to face the man who laid beside him. His eyes scanned all the little details of the man’s face — then his fingertips reached out to gently trace the curve of his cheek, running his thumb across pale skin, brushing brown hair away from his partner’s face, feeling it underneath his course fingers.

The brunet stirred and an exhale left his lips. His eyelids fluttered open and he stilled when he felt a hand on his cheek.

It felt nice. Just as gentle as he was. 

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“No, it’s okay.”

The brunet leaned closer to the hand touching him, purring ever so softly. “I like your hands; they’re warm.”

He didn’t reply. He simply watched with watery eyes.

“Hey.” the brunet spoke.

“Hmm?”

A pause, then — 

“I’m sorry, Ushi.”

Ushijima was quite taken aback by the sudden apology. His hand slowly started to draw back but Oikawa pulled back into place again forcefully.

“Why are you sorry, Oikawa?” 

“...For calling you over like this.”

An exhale. An understanding.

“It’s okay.”

* * *

**_**Oh, you were a good dream** _ **

* * *

“I like your hands.”

A small smile played on Ushijima’s lips “Let me guess — because they’re warm?”

“Because they hold me gently.”

Ushijima was quiet, watching Oikawa wrap their hands together. The brunet had a smile on his lips but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He should be offended, but he couldn’t bring himself to be. How could he? Oikawa’s heart was torn and he knew that much.

“Oikawa.”

He didn’t even let Ushijima speak first. Instead he first asked, “Hey Ushi, do you like me?”

“Yes, you’re a very remarkable person.”

“...Not like that, but do you like, _like_ me?”

Ushijima tilted his head ever so slightly as Oikawa sighed heavily, letting their hands fall onto the sheets.

“Am I good enough for someone?” Oikawa asked, and his voice seemed so small in this big, empty room. “Will I ever be enough?”

“You’re enough,” Ushijima reassured him gently.

“But I wasn’t for him.”

Ushijima sighed as he drew little circles on the back of Oikawa’s hand. The prideful aura that Oikawa once held has crawled back into its shell — is that how much that guy meant to him? 

Love was scary.

“Did he say that?” Ushijima asked Oikawa who was now pouting like a child.

Oikawa shook his head. “He didn’t say those exact words…”

“But…?”

“But…I saw him with _her_ ,” Oikawa said, biting his bottom lip. “I mean… Isn’t that the same?”

Ushijima couldn’t say anything. He had no idea what he could or should say. He just might make things worse. 

“I think you two need closure.” Ushijima said slowly, though doubt was creeping in his chest.

Oikawa sighed as he snuggled himself close to the boy, wrapping a leg and arm around Ushijima. “Whatever, it’s not like he’d care.”

And with that, he fell asleep again.

* * *

**** **_**I was scared to lose you then** _ **

**_**But secrets turn into regrets** _ **

* * *

“...And then, let’s buy milkbread!” Oikawa said happily, pulling Ushijima along.

“Okay, but uhm, do you really have to wear that cap and sunglasses? It’s making you stand out a lot.”

“And let the world see my puffed up eyes? No.”

Oikawa merely smiled to himself as he went inside the supermarket. He had dragged Ushijima along again today. Why wouldn’t he? He was the only person Oikawa was familiar with in his neighborhood.

“I’m gonna go pick up something from the post office. It’s just on the second floor of this building,” Ushijima said, earning another pout from the brunet.

“Eeehhh? You can do that later!”

“I unfortunately cannot, they close early on Saturdays.”

Oikawa’s pout sank deeper. “Fine, but don’t take too long, okay?”

“I won’t.”

Oikawa watched him leave before he turned to go and hunt for some good old milkbread. He hummed underneath his breath as he skimmed through the aisles, going over to the bread section. His eyes lit up when he saw the familiar blue packaging. He immediately reached for it but there was another hand that touched his, aiming to get the same bread as well.

“I’m sorry-” the person said and he paused when he finally took notice of Oikawa. “...Oikawa?” he asked unsurely.

“Iwaizumi.”

“Oikawa.”

“Are you getting that or no?”

“Ah…yeah, yeah.”

Iwaizumi reached for the milkbread and placed it in his basket before he straightened up again “Are you here alone?”

“No, Ushijima came with me.”

“I see.”

They both stood there for a while, staring into each other’s eyes in silence. The air was heavy with tension as their questions hung around, aching to be asked, wanting to be heard. There was once a time when they would be able to throw these questions like it was nothing, but now it was as if they were complete strangers. When had they drifted apart so much?

“I guess I’ll be going then.” Iwaizumi said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Me too.”

“Aren’t you taking your milkbread?”

Oikawa glanced at the packaging, and then back at Iwaizumi’s basket before his eyes caught Iwaizumi’s.

“No, thanks to what had happened earlier…” Oikawa turned and waved his hand. He did not want Iwaizumi to see whatever expression he was wearing right now.

“… It’s just gonna remind me of you and I hate you.”

With that he left Iwaizumi behind.

* * *

**__ ** **_**Buried feelings grow** _ **

**_**Oh, you were a good dream** _ **

* * *

**__ **

_“Oikawa.”_

_“I love you.”_

He shot up from his sleep, Iwaizumi’s name on his lips. There was an incessant ringing from his phone that sat on his bedside drawer, and he groaned as he shifted over to take it. The squint of his eyes from the brightness of his phone slowly turned into a glare as he read the name on the screen. 

Oikawa slowly sat up, opening his message inbox. There was an onslaught of messages from said caller.

_“Pick up.”_

_“Pick up the call please.”_

_“Oikawa.”_

_“Oikawa let’s talk, please.”_

_“Are you awake?”_

_“Please reply if you’re awake.”_

**_**“I miss you.”** _ **

“What the hell?” Oikawa mumbled underneath his breath as his brows furrowed in confusion. He gave himself a sharp pinch just to be sure that he was awake. (He then realized that he was.) But why was this in his inbox? Why was Iwaizumi suddenly acting like this?

Then his phone began ringing again.

****Incoming call from Iwa-chan…** **

Oikawa bit his bottom lip. Even that stupid nickname was a pain to think about deleting. Everything hurt — even the smallest, most stupid things — and seeing that nickname only made his heart ache even more.

Already starting to regret his decision, Oikawa finally answered it.

“Oikawa.”

The first thing that hit Oikawa’s ears was how his name was slurred.

The second thing was the soft sounds of crying.

_“Oikawa.”_

“...Are you drunk?”

“No, I’m not. I’m fine.”

“Iwaizumi, it’s early morning. Why are you calling me?”

“Oikawa, _I miss you_.”

* * *

**_**Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?** _ **

**_**Was it the wrong time, what if we tried giving in a little more** _ **

**_**To the warmth we had before?** _ **

* * *

“I miss you calling me and annoying me with your stupid ‘Iwa-chan.’ She calls me Hajime and it doesn’t sound right. I miss you and your stupid, pretty face. She’s so beautiful that it's not right. I miss feeling your warmth when the nights were so cold, sitting by the fire and telling each other pointless jokes and theories of how aliens exist. She tells me I’m perfect for her and that we’re soulmates — I don’t believe in such bullshit, I only believed in your stupid aliens because it’s _you_.”

Iwaizumi drew a breath, his drunken stupor giving him an ounce of courage he didn’t think he’d have on sober days. He then continued, “You told me I was yours but I never told you how I thought your hands fit perfectly into mine. You told me that you loved me but I never told you how beautiful you were when you smiled.

“You’re so beautiful Oikawa, my little flower, where did we go wrong?”

Oikawa’s grip tightened on the phone, tears threatening to fall at Iwaizumi’s words.

“When did we grow this distant?” Iwaizumi pressed on.

He controlled himself. “...Why are you doing this, Iwaizumi?” he managed to choke out.

_“I love you.”_

“...Shut up.”

“I love you, Oikawa.”

“You’re _engaged_ , Iwaizumi.”

“I love you still.”

“Why? Why now?” 

Oikawa drew in a sharp breath. There was a pregnant pause before — 

“I never thought you could be mine.”

“Bullshit. I was yours all along,” Oikawa shouted angrily as he let out an ugly sob, his heart aching, pining for Iwaizumi’s touch. “Everyday, everyday, I was yours.”

“Then can I still love you in the next lifetime? Will we see each other again?”

* * *

**_**Tangled with another's eyes** _ **

**_**Never mind, you were never mine** _ **

* * *

“There was never an us in this lifetime, how could there be in the next?”

“Because we were scared.”

“How do you know we’re not going to be swallowed by our fears again?”

“Because I love you.”

“I hate you.” 

“But I love you.”

“Fuck you, I hate you, you’re so cruel.”

“I love you so much, Oikawa, I’ll see you in the next lifetime, my little flower.”

“Please stop.”

“Hey, can I ask a favor? Call me the way you used to, please?”

“I don’t want to.”

“... _Please_.”

“...Iwa-chan.”

“Thank you.”

* * *

**_**Glimpse of me and you** _ **

**_**Oh, you were a good dream** _ **

* * *

“You may now kiss the bride!”

The roar of cheers and whistles echoed all throughout. People around were clapping, expressing happiness for the newlyweds. Oikawa clapped too, a smile plastered on his face.

“They look so good together, as if they were made for one another.”

_He could have been mine._

“Their children would be really beautiful, don’t you think?”

_He could have been my lifetime._

_“_ Congratulations, you two!”

_It could have been me._

“Oikawa.”

The brunet looked up from his phone only to be greeted by Iwaizumi’s smile. Iwaizumi reached his hand out and Oikawa glanced at it before he slowly extended his own, taking Iwaizumi’s hand in his own and giving it a firm hold. Later he would realize it was probably the last time he would ever feel Iwaizumis’s hand. 

“Thank you, for coming today.”

“No problem. I wish you two all the best.”

_You’re so cruel._

“Thank you.”

_You’re so cruel._

“But I’ll get going now, I still have an errand to run to.”

“Won’t you stay for the after party?”

Oikawa stared at Iwaizumi, his eyebrows raised. His eyes skimmed the people around before a humourless laugh left him. “I’m pretty sure you’ll do without me.” He gave a small bow to Iwaizumi before he turned and started walking out, hands shoved inside his pockets, curling into fists. 

As soon as he was out, the tears started falling. 

* * *

_Regrets are called regrets because they’re_ **_**always** _ ** _found at the end of the road. We took the messiest of roads and that was one of our mistakes, little flower. All of our what ifs that kept us up at three in the morning, all of our fears that haunt us, that follow us everywhere we go…it had accumulated into one scary being that caused me to lose my hold on you._

_Little flower, you’ve bloomed so beautifully. Even now as I watch you leave me, you still take my breath away. You know, my heart hurts every time I think about you because of how I keep thinking that if_ **__ ** ****I** ** _had just gathered enough courage…if_ ****I** ** _had just stood up for you…if_ ****I** ** _had just done_ ****one thing** ** _right…if_ ****we** ** _had just done one thing right…_

We could have had forever right here with us and I’ll never wake up missing you.

**_**Is there a lifetime waiting for us?** _ **

**_**All this time, I have been yours** _ **


End file.
